It’s a sad day. Please watch if you have the time. R.I.P Maurice
The first Thursday of every month I go to The MoMA (Museum of Modern Art) alone, taking in some of my favorite pieces of art and thinking about everything that’s going on in my life. I snapped the picture above while observing a father explaining to his son who Jackson Pollock was. It got me thinking about a topic I’ve gazed upon before. And that is, influencing our children into certain things you yourself (as the parent) like.
So with that being said, for better or worse, I CAN’T WAIT to instill everything I love onto my children. I know, I know. Many may think that this shouldn’t done and they should grow into their own person, liking the things that interest them naturally, But screw it. I’m sorry. The thought of showing them all the things I love as a grown child myself, get’s me all gitty inside like a little school girl. I seriously can’t wait to pass all my favorite toys on to them that have been stored away in my parents basement for years. Watching a Pixar film every night before they go to bed is alright by me. I can’t wait to share my favorite children’s books, get them interested in comics, and drawing endless pictures of disgustingly gross monsters with boogers coming out of their nose. Though sometimes a sports man myself, I plan on putting a snowboard and skateboard at their feet before I roll a ball to them. We will take weeks, months, even years out of our life to sit down in front of a TV and watch every possible film I believe to be important in any young boy’s life. Including Goonies, Indiana Jones, Back to the Future, Pee Wee’s Big Adventure, E.T. , all Charlie Brown specials, Nightmare before Christmas, and Showgirls (I kid, I kid) not to mention many many more.
I plan on sitting them down and reading every Calvin and Hobbes comic with them. I will allow them to wear superhero outfits on any random day of the year. In fact, I hope they want to wear costumes and use their imagination everyday but Halloween. On Halloween they can dress normal. They will build forts and I hope they ask me to build them a tree house at some point in their childhood. They will be grounded if they don’t ask me actually. They will have a camera and paint brushes in their hand before they even know how to spell them. By the time they’re 8, I expect them to be telling me information about bands like Nirvana, Bob Dylan, The Cure, Miles Davis, The Ramones, Radiohead, The Clash, and The Rolling Stones, that I don’t already know.
They will get dirty, and explore the wonderful world of nature. If they don’t come home with a scraped knee every once in awhile, I’m going to start to worry. And within the early years of childhood, I will teach them the importance and love one can have for their first bike.
These are just a few of the things I plan on doing with my son once he can fully understand what they are. And if they don’t like these things……well I can always trade them in for a new kid. (I kid, I kid) I’ll still love them no matter what, But there’s nothing wrong with showing them all the things you loved as a child too. If they don’t like them, It’s alright. In fact, I look forward to them opening my eyes up to their own interests and can’t wait for them to teach me a thing or two about everything they love themselves.
Nothing like having good news to give my wife on her birthday with our anatomy scan today. All looked great and they were much more positive this time around regarding the club foot. They did see a very slight bend to it, but thought that it’s not to much to worry about. They even mentioned that when the baby is born they may see that it’s totally normal. It was icing on the cake for what was a few hectic worrisome weeks. It’s good knowing we can now move forward and continue to enjoy the rest of the pregnancy. We’ll continue to keep an eye on a couple of things, but for the most part we’re relieved things are starting to look on the up and up.
With all these tests came worry, after finding one thing after another. Though I’m not sure I would change anything differently next time around. If anything, I would want to check things earlier then we did. It’s not as though we were overly cautious and super crazy, it was that things continued to snowball making us look into various symptoms that the baby could have possibly had. With one high test, things need to be looked at and watched carefully. For both the safety of the child and my wife. I’m not sure. We’re new to this. Before getting into it, many people said that those tests wind up just making you worried and scared. Which it did. But I think at the end of the day I would have rather have known all that was going on before the birth of my child. I’m not sure what it would have been if god forbid something was wrong when we gave birth and we never knew. Not sure. Hard to say.
It’s amazing the difference a day can make. It could have been worse, but instead it seemed like the beginning of something new for us. Phone calls were made, more people found out we were expecting, The baby cards are going out, and now we’re looking forward to talking about all that is going on with family and friends. Before we sort of kept things to ourselves, not knowing what would become of everything, but even now we’re feeling much more confident in even discussing the things that seemed to be problems to people who weren’t aware there may have been problems at all. You never want anything wrong with your child. And even though sometimes things may be wrong, and things may require more care, you always love them the same if not more. But honestly, it’s tough. It’s tough to be open and happy and wanting to discuss things with people when you know there is something wrong with your child. Being ashamed isn’t the right word, but it’s a similar feeling. Like maybe you did something wrong. It sucks. And who the fuck am I to even talk about that without really going through anything major. But I got a scare, I got a glimpse, and It made me think and question certain things about myself and how I would act.
Either way, my wife feels better, and that’s all we were hoping for on her 29th birthday. 29! Wow. Maybe that’s not the only thing we have to worry about. Maybe we need to start worring about those saggy granny boobies she’s starting to develop in her old age. I kid, I kid. Sometimes I get me and my wife mixed up.
Thank you again everyone for your kind words, support, suggestions, stories, and reassurance. It’s been a greatly appreciated.
I have no problem going on record and saying I have Mid-Life crisis tendencies and I love everyone one of them. Well, Most of them. I’m not actually going through a mid-life crisis. I’m not there just yet, though I’m making sure people know when the time comes, some of the tendencies just happen to be things I enjoy now. For the most part this is for my kids to know that Daddy was a loser all along. So stop hatin.
Sign#1 (from Wikipedia) Search of an undefined dream or goal
I’ve been searching all my life for this. I search each and everyday for dreams I’ve had, new dreams, And dreams I’ve yet to come across. This is the core of my motivation, and sometimes lack of, for anything I do. Without the dreams and goals I’ve set out for myself, I have nothing to look forward in the career that I’ve chosen. The thing is, as kids, we all had dreams. No matter how small or big they were, we all had dreams of things we wanted to do or be or achieve. Not sure if this is a good thing, but those haven’t changed much since day one for me. I haven’t given up, and I don’t see me doing that anytime soon. So if I’m still following my dreams at 40 just know it’s been a long time in the making.
Sign#2 -A deep sense of remorse for goals not accomplished
With the wonderful pleasures of being a dreamer, comes the reality of how tough they may be. Sometimes unrealistic, though I don’t like using that word as I think nothing is unrealistic when it comes to one’s dreams. Though the dreams I’ve set before me make me smile at the possibilities the future may bring, I also know that it’s extremely hard for all that I’ve set out to become a reality. Sometimes it puts me in a dark corner of depression and loneliness, though I find that it’s my dreams and the future that pick me back up to strive for those goals.
Sign#3 - Desire to achieve a feeling of youthfulness
Once again, something I’ve never lost touch of. I find that to be extremely important for not only a person growing up, but for a parent about to have a child. With this desire comes the love for certain things that may seem childish to others. Whether it be my love of childrens books, comics, cartoons, children (not in a creepy way), dreams, and fears. They remind me of being a child at a time when I had no worries. It’s a place I can disappear to now, when life just seems like too much to take on.
Sign#4 - Need to spend more time alone or with certain peers
“You don’t wanna get mixed up with a guy like me. I’m a loner, Dottie. A rebel.” Though there’s nothing I enjoy more then spending time with my best friend of 12 years, who just happens to be my wife, I equally enjoy the time I have when I’m by myself (get your head out of the gutter sickos) The “me” time. The time I’m able to sit back and reflect on the things that need to be reflected on. I’m the type that would go out by myself to have dinner and see a movie. Always have been, always will be. I’m at peace, not bothered by the antics of others. Though I enjoy people, I enjoy being alone more.
Sign#5 - Abuse of alcohol
I’ve never drank, and not sure I ever will. I sometimes have a fascination of wine and all that it is. It’s romantic, It’s an art. I enjoy finding out more, but part of that would consist of me drinking to fully appreciate the beauty of it. Not sure I’m there yet, but as of now I’m clean as a whistle. Lame, I know, but I never wanted to be in a position where I didn’t have control of myself. That and I have a fear of becoming addicted, whether it be drugs or alcohol, so I stay clear. Pandora doesn’t need to be opened today. Having an addiction to Nyquil is bad enough.
Sign#6 -acquisition of unusual or expensive items such as motorbikes, boats, clothing, sports cars, jewelry, gadgets, tattoos, piercings, etc.
Ha. Where to start. Well for one, I already have tattoos and one piercing. I’m a gadget guy who enjoys the latest and greatest in technology and media. It’s not the “guy” in me that loves them, it’s more about the fascination and awe over all that they can do. I’m still amazed that I don’t need to send my pigeon anymore to deliver my mail. Who knew emails would kill that trait?
I enjoy clothes and looking the part. When there’s money to be spent, I’ll spend it on new clothes at times. Only when there’s extra cash to throw around a bit, because I find it hard to rationalize the fact that i’m spending $150 on shoes or $80 on a shirt. There’s just something silly about that. But yes, I do fall into that trap. Probably not as much as you ladies and your shoe obsessions. You know who you are.
I’m a sucker for old motorcycles and cars. Currently I have a beautiful red 1969 Chevy Impala which waits for me at home (outside of the city) each and every time I visit. I enjoy the old “muscle” cars of the 60’s and 70’s. I’m always looking out for motorcycles, though I’ve never driven one. One like the old Truimph Motorcycles Bob Dylan use to drive in upstate New York before his big crash which nearly killed him. And for that, I’m weary of getting one. But maybe someday.
Sign#7 -paying special attention to physical appearance such as covering baldness, wearing “younger” designer clothes etc.
Ha. You mean I have to throw out all my Ed Hardy Tee shirts?!?! COME ON!!! I kid, but this trait happens whenever it hits us physically. We don’t have control of our aging. Fortunately it’s already hit me. With the thinning of my hair I was forced to the old shaved head look…………And I’m i’m sexier then ever!!! Well, at least I think so. So thank you for cursing me with that one beauty gods, I’m happier with my looks more then ever. “Paying special attention to physical appearence”? Don’t we all do that everyday when we look in the mirror. Criticize and critique the flaws and beauty in which we possess. Some more then others, but we’re always doing this. Am I ready to go on a diet and start work out. Hell no. I watch my diet and try to keep a nice appearance. If i feel or see that things are getting out of control I may walk a bit more or do extra sit ups/push ups here and there, but That’s the extent of it. So yes, when I’m 40 and over weight joing a gym trying to look young again, you can then say I’m hitting a mid life crisis.
Sign#8 - Entering relationships with younger people (either/or sexual, professional, parental, etc.)
Hmmmmm. Well, The whole relationship sexually with someone younger hasn’t come about yet, but I’ll be sure to let you know when it does (I kid). As for parental and professional, well at times I find myself doing that now. It’s not that I seek it out, it’s just how it is. Nothing out of a normal age range. I sometimes need to associate with people that may be 21 or younger, mainly for professional reasons. I’m mostly guilty of associating myself with older people though. My social life consists of people well into their 40’s, some 50, still hanging on to that night when they snuck into Studio 54 and did blow with Mick Jagger in the back room. The older generation of “professionals” I tend to deal with are always older. It’s always been like that. I guess I never liked getting mixed up with the immaturity of people my age. Though I’ve found that older people are quite immature themselves. So yes again. If you find me at 40 hanging with younger kids, definitely call me out and tell me to act my age.
Sign#9 - placing overimportance (and possibly a psychologically damaging amount) on their children to excel in areas such as sports, arts or academics
Another hmmmmmmm. I worry about this one. Though I don’t think I’ll ever force them into something they don’t want to do, I worry that I’ll force my own interests on them. Every parent wants to share that connection with their child. The connection and bond where they share the same interests and find pleasure in doing things together they both truly love to do. If my child doesn’t share the same interests, I’m curious if I’ll find myself being a bit more forceful when it comes to things I hope they would enjoy with me. Only time with tell though. I’ll say this though, It’s going to be really hard to have a kid who enjoys wearing dresses as much as I do. I kid, I kid.
Drawing blanks on the baby front tonight. Sorry. Hectic/busy days = baby not on this soon to be father’s mind too much today. Are these the early signs of a bad father who will have a goth kid playing The Cure in the basement who grows up to resent their “sqaure” dad who never gave them enough love? I kid.
Makes me think of the things that are actually important. Makes me stop and tell myself that very soon those things I thought were important, were only materialistic things. The stuff that doesn’t really matter. I’m finding from these past few months that it’s the small things that actually count. The smallest signs of love can go distances in the relationship of others. Honestly, How many kids really give a shit about the stress and problems you may bring home at the end of the day.
Do parents lose that thought process over time? When do we lose the grasp on the things that are really important? Important as showing your child love. Cause at the end of the day, isn’t that really all a child wants to know? That we as parents love them?
All parents are guilty of making mistakes at certain points of their lives. Though some parents are brought back to the realization that the mistakes they are doing may be wrong. Others may lose grasp of their mistakes, and over time this could cause problems for both parties.
I can see where parents can get overwhelmed by the struggles parenting may bring. I believe that we all have the best intentions in the beginning, but we need to remember those intentions as the years go by. It’s easy for people to look onto another situation and say “life’s too short not to get along with your parents,” but what some people may not realize is that this may have been years in the making. Something extremely hard to just turn on and off.
I guess that’s the point I’m trying to make. I’m finding that as a soon to be parent, I need to address those issues and make sure it doesn’t get to that point before it’s to late.
I’m slowly coming to the realization that some of the things I hoped to have accomplished before I had children, may never see the light of day. Though my dreams/hopes/desires may still be able to be fulfilled in the future, I can’t help but think that having a child makes it all the more harder, when it was already hard enough. Is this the moment in peoples lives when they lose touch with themselves and the person they want to be?
Having a child will bring new responsibilities. All the attention will need to be focused on them. This goes without saying. I’m curious to know if there’s ever a time for just you? Time where you can find yourself and do the things you want to do. In my mind, I’m picturing my life ending when this kid is born, and not starting back up until my children are off to college. A sad and scary thought, and one I think many parents think about when finding out their pregnant. I think at some point we all ask ourselves “Is this the end of my life as I know it? “
I’d like to think not. Though times may become more stressful and hectic juggling the duties of raising a child, it’s also important to remember that you as a parent must take time out for yourself. Time were you can pursue and strive for all that you wanted before you had a kid. Though it may be harder and not exactly how you expected it to go, there’s no reason why it needs to end. I think there are no set rules in this game of parenting. Only guidelines in making us strive to raise our children the best that we can.
I’m starting to reassure myself of that exact thinking, though I continue to have my doubts from time to time. Call me selfish, call me stubborn, but sometimes we forget that our parents were once young adults too, with the same dreams/hopes/desires as anyone else. Whether they were able to pursue all that they wanted, well, I guess their the only ones who know that answer.
As I’m reading more on parenting and children, I’m coming across the importance of reading to your child on a daily basis at very early stages of their life. Even when they have no clue what the hell you’re reading about and what those pictures are. Hell, I’ve even read that reading to your child while they’re in the womb is a good idea.
As I was working on my long over due children’s book, I started asking myself the question of what children gravitate to most when reading a children’s book? Not really sure there’s a right answer to that question. Is it the colors, the pictures, the size of the book, the length of the book, the fact that it’s mommy and daddy’s favorite book, the way it’s read to them, the way it may rhyme? Not sure.
The only thing I’m able to do when writing the book, is relate it to something I think would spark the interest of a child. As much as I think that’s important, I’m also writing to spark the interest of the parent. After all, they’re the ones getting the books for their kids. So should I be writing more for the parents instead?
With so many books and so many choices to choose from, maybe that signifies it, that there really is no right or wrong way to connect to a child. One child could relate to one book more then another. I look back now to my favorite childrens books and there really isn’t too many similarities between them at all. So what drew me to them? Why did I feel so connected to them? Why do I still feel so connected to them?
The one thing I was able to come to an answer on was that having my parents read children’s books to me before I went to bed was some of the most special memories I had. It was probably the most innocent time as a child I could remember. The books sparked my imagination and the world seemed so big outside the tiny bubble of my room.
So to the young me, was it the books I enjoyed the most, or the time I spent with my parents? To tell you the truth, part of me just enjoyed that fact that I was staying up later as they read to me. Begging for them to read another book, just bought me more time as feeling like a “big boy.”